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Life is full of challenges, big and small, and often the hardest part isn't the difficulty itself—it's the mental and emotional endurance needed to push through. We talk a lot about perseverance and mental toughness, but what do these concepts really mean? And how can we help kids develop these essential skills?
At its core, perseverance is the ability to keep going despite difficulties. It’s about choosing to move forward when things get tough, even when the path isn’t clear, or the outcome isn’t guaranteed. Mental toughness is similar, but it adds an extra layer—it's about being able to handle stress, setbacks, and the emotional ups and downs that come with facing obstacles.
One phrase that encapsulates this idea well is, “You can do hard things.” It’s a simple but powerful mantra that can empower both kids and adults. Saying this reminds us that we are capable of handling challenges, even when they feel overwhelming. It’s a belief that strengthens resilience and encourages us to push through moments of difficulty. Whether it’s a tough school project, a complicated social situation, or a personal struggle, this mindset encourages us to tackle problems head-on rather than shy away from them.
But here’s the key: mental toughness isn’t just about enduring difficulty—it’s about building the resilience to overcome it. It’s the ability to bounce back from failure, adapt to new challenges, and keep striving toward our goals despite setbacks. It's not about avoiding hardship but learning how to cope with and grow through it. And while it can be tempting to shield our kids from tough situations to protect them from failure or disappointment, we miss an important opportunity to help them develop resilience and perseverance if we do.
This is where executive function skills come into play. Executive functions are the mental processes that help us manage our thoughts, actions, and emotions to achieve our goals. Key executive function skills such as emotional regulation, impulse control, and working memory are critical in helping kids navigate challenging situations with perseverance.
Emotional regulation, for instance, helps children manage their frustration and anxiety when they encounter obstacles. Instead of becoming overwhelmed or giving up, they learn to stay calm and focus on the task at hand. Impulse control enables kids to resist the urge to quit when things get tough or when distractions arise, helping them stay on track. Working memory allows them to remember their goals and keep going, even when they forget why they started or how hard the journey may seem.
When kids face difficult situations, they have the chance to practice and develop these skills. But what happens when we don’t allow them to experience these situations? In an effort to protect them from failure, we may inadvertently prevent them from learning how to cope with adversity. Kids who are shielded from challenging experiences may struggle with fear and avoidance later in life. They may develop a fixed mindset that believes they aren’t capable of handling hard things, leading to a lack of self-belief and a hesitation to take on new challenges.
This is why it's so important to let kids face challenges, even if it means they might fail or make mistakes along the way. Failure is often seen as a negative outcome, but in reality, it’s an essential part of growth. When kids fail and have to try again, they learn valuable lessons about resilience, determination, and problem-solving. They learn that it’s okay to make mistakes and that failure doesn’t define their abilities. It’s simply a step on the road to success.
Avoiding difficult situations, on the other hand, can create long-term consequences. Without experiencing setbacks, kids may become less confident in their ability to handle challenges. They may become afraid of failure and start avoiding tasks or situations that seem too difficult. Over time, this fear can grow and limit their potential.
As parents, educators, and mentors, it’s our responsibility to help kids develop the mindset and skills they need to tackle hard things. Encouraging perseverance and mental toughness doesn’t mean pushing kids to the point of overwhelm—it means supporting them as they face challenges, learn from their experiences, and grow stronger in the process. It means teaching them that doing hard things is a natural part of life, and that they are capable of overcoming obstacles, no matter how big or small.
So, the next time your child is facing a tough situation, whether it's in school, sports, or life, remind them, “You can do hard things.” And encourage them to keep going, even if the road is rocky. Because in those moments of struggle, they are learning the most important lesson of all: that they have the strength and resilience to rise above any challenge that comes their way.