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Understanding the Impact of Masking
Children who mask their learning differences often do so to avoid negative attention or to fit in with their peers, family, or even their teachers. On the outside, they may appear composed or “fine,” but underneath, they may be struggling with anxiety, self-doubt, or feelings of inadequacy. Masking can lead to emotional exhaustion and, over time, contribute to more significant issues like depression, burnout, or even physical health problems.
The first step to supporting your child through this is by creating a safe and accepting space at home where they feel unconditionally understood. They need to know that they don’t have to hide their true self with you and that home is a place where they can be honest about their experiences without fear of judgment or rejection.
One of the most helpful ways to reduce the pressure to mask is to normalize mistakes and learning differences in your household. Children with ADHD often feel ashamed when they struggle with tasks that others may find easy, such as focusing, staying organized, or following through on instructions. It’s crucial to frame these struggles not as weaknesses but as strengths in disguise.
Emphasize that mistakes are an important part of learning and that everyone, including adults, faces challenges. Celebrate effort over perfection and reinforce the idea that what makes us different also makes us strong. For example, you might point out that while your child may have trouble staying organized, they might excel in creativity or problem-solving.
By modeling this mindset at home, you’ll reduce the pressure your child feels to conform to unrealistic standards and help them embrace their learning differences as part of who they are.
Another key way to support your child at home is through ongoing emotional support and open, judgment-free conversations. Make it clear that they can come to you with their feelings, frustrations, and worries, and that you will listen without reacting negatively or immediately trying to “fix” the problem.
Ask your child how they feel about managing their learning differences. You might say, “I’ve noticed you seem tired after school lately. Is there anything you want to talk about?” Creating a nonjudgmental space for them to express their emotions can make it easier for them to open up about the ways they’ve been masking.
This type of communication also gives you the opportunity to validate their feelings. Remind them that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and reassure them that they don’t need to hide those emotions from you.
Teaching your child to practice self-compassion is another powerful strategy. Children who mask their learning differences often feel they need to hide their struggles because they see them as faults. But it’s essential to help your child understand that everyone has unique strengths and weaknesses—and that their challenges don’t make them less capable or worthy.
Encourage them to speak kindly to themselves when they’re having a hard time, just as they would to a friend. For instance, if they’re frustrated with their inability to focus, remind them that it’s part of their ADHD, and it doesn’t define who they are or what they can accomplish.
Promoting self-compassion can also involve setting realistic expectations and letting your child know that it’s okay to ask for help. Whether that’s assistance with schoolwork, managing their schedule, or finding strategies that work best for them, it’s important they feel supported rather than pressured to perform at an unrealistic level.
One of the most effective ways to support a child with learning differences is by helping them develop healthy coping mechanisms that work for, not against, them. Executive function strategies, such as creating routines, breaking tasks into smaller steps, and using visual reminders, can help your child manage their time and stay organized without feeling overwhelmed.
Work together to find solutions that feel natural to them. For example, some children benefit from having a checklist they can refer to throughout the day, while others might respond better to setting specific timers for each task.
The goal is to offer your neurodivergent child tools that empower them to manage their learning differences in a way that feels authentic to who they are, rather than forcing them to mask their struggles.
Finally, don’t be afraid to seek outside support when necessary. Educational Therapy, Executive Function Skill Coaching, or even group programs specifically designed for children with learning differences can provide valuable resources and tools. A trained therapist or coach can work with your child to develop emotional regulation strategies and coping skills while offering an unbiased space for them to express their feelings and explore their identity.
It can also be helpful for you, as a parent, to participate in workshops or support groups designed for families of neurodivergent children. These resources can equip you with the knowledge and tools to better support your child at home while also giving you a community to lean on during challenging times.